• Raina

Mom vs. Mom - who does what?

When it comes to planning your wedding, there is more than enough work to go around between you, your wedding planner and both your mom and future mother in law, who will certainly want to pitch in. To help things run smoothly, we suggest you have your wedding planner divvy up their wedding duties to keep all the lovely ladies in your life happy and feeling involved in the big day.

The mother of the groom should...

1. Offer financial assistance, if desired, to her son, for those things traditionally paid for by the groom's family. These things include the bride's bouquet and the rehearsal dinner. However, don't be offended if she does not make such an offer. Many modern couples are now paying for their own weddings.

2. Attend your bridal shower with a gift and a smile.

4. Plan and host the rehearsal dinner. Since these events can take up to six months to organize have her ask your wedding planner if this is something that they could also assist with.

3. Check in with your mom about what she plans to wear to the rehearsal dinner and your wedding day. They want to ensure that their looks complement one another, rather than compete with one another. We suggest that they shop for their dresses up to six weeks prior to the big day incase alterations are needed.

4. Dance with her son at the reception, of course!! The evening would not be complete with out a special mother and son dance.

The mother of the bride should...

1. Discuss your wedding budget with you especially if she and your father will be contributing. By itemizing each category and how much you would like to spend on each this can really help you keep within your preplanned spending plan.

2. Be the point person for your wedding planner. You may find that you are too busy to attend all the appointments with your wedding professionals such as your caterer, photographer and florist. Your mother can attend these appointments with your planner as well as be the first point of contact if you are unavailable. After all, who do you trust more than your own mother? She wants this day to be as perfect as you do!

3. She should be there to help you select your wedding gown. Tears aren't required, but definitely expected...especially once you put on that veil. Trust us! The waterworks will get going, so find yourselves some good water proof mascara.

4. Mom should get your suggestions on what she should wear for the big day. It might also be fun if you go shopping with her as well. Just be sure to purchase her dress up to six weeks before the wedding incase alterations are required. Back in the day, the mother of the bride would select her dress first. In most cases it would be something that complemented the bridesmaid's dresses. Then she would inform the mother of the groom so that she could coordinate. You certainly can go this route, however, these days most brides tend to give the moms a break by letting each of them pick an outfit that they look and feels great in. Don't forget that this is YOUR wedding, however. Always feel free to politely set some parameters such as how formal or casual you would like their attire to be, what colors you would prefer they not wear (we can't have anyone clashing) or even your desired hemline length.

5. Attend and in some cases mom can even assist your bridesmaids with the organization of your bridal shower.

6. Be there for any pre-wedding issues. Whether it is helping the wedding planner track down errant family members who are needed for photography or simply for moments of pure joy!

Both mothers should...

1. Help the bride and groom spread the word on where you're registered, whether you have a wedding website for more information on the event itself, and assist you with collecting everyone's current mailing addresses for your invitations.

2. Interview wedding professionals such as your planner, to ensure that you find someone who will make absolutely sure that your wedding day is perfect. They can also team up to help you visit various ceremony and reception sites as well as obtaining recommendations on caterers, photographers, cake artist, musicians and anything else you may need for the big day.

3. Give you big hugs and kisses as they see you off from the reception as the two of you embark on your new life together!

And don't forget to refer back to our popular blog on Wedding Expenses: Who Pays For What? to help you further navigate the planning process.

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