Before it's time to put on your tuxedo, lace up your dress shoes, and stare into the eyes of the love of your life during your wedding ceremony you may find yourself wondering what exactly your role is as a groom might be.
Everyone knows that as a groom, you'll be spending a lot of quality time with your groomsmen celebrating and cheering throughout your wedding adventure, but with the pre-partying fun comes bit of work and a lot of support for your fiancée.
Whether you're super involved with the details or you opt to stay in the background, letting your other half take charge and plan away, there are still some responsibilities you should add to your to-do list and make sure you're present for. This will help you avoid any added stress or spur-of-the-moment fights with your fiancée during your wedding-planning process. So, after your engagement has set in and before it's time to walk down the aisle, take a look at these common mistakes grooms find themselves making and avoid making them before, during, and even after your starring role as the groom during your wedding.
1. Don't Forget to Announce Your Engagement
Right after you pop the question, don't forget to pick up the phone and call your close family members and friends. They will be hurt if they don't hear it directly from you and from that Facebook or Instagram photo you or your fiancee post soon after.
2. Dismissing Help from Family Members Help
More than likely your mom, sister, aunt, or grandma would be thrilled to be asked to do something special for your wedding. Assign honors along the way, like being a witness for the signing of the marriage license or putting them in charge of picking out the party favors.
3. Picking Fights
We know family can be stressful...especially since they all have their own opinion on how you should be doing things for the big day. If something angers you during the planning process, or even at the wedding, just try to take a step back and choose your battles wisely. Kicking that negative energy to the sidelines.
4. Saying "I Don't Care."
Remember, this phrase because it is truly one of the worst things you can say during the wedding planning process! Even if you find yourself indifferent about certain details, make an effort to really look at the options and have an opinion either way. After all, its your wedding, too!
5. Not Coordinating with Family Members
If you have an over eager mother or aunt who wants to get involved with the planning, be sure to act as her liaison, making sure she gets in touch with your wedding planner and your fiancée. Keeping them both in the loop is vital! You know the phrase "too many cooks in the kitchen?" The same goes for wedding planning and too many in-laws. You might end up with two different DJs, florists, cakes, venues...
6. Waiting Until the Last Minute to Get Invovled
Stay involved along the entire planning process whether you're interested or not. This way, you won't find yourself waking up the week before your own wedding, wondering what the venue will look like, what time you're supposed to show up and what you're supposed to wear.
7. Ghosting on the Wedding Planning
While your fiancée might be lost in a sea of Pinterest boards and wedding magazines, that doesn't mean you should be a ghost during the whole process. Offer to look through her inspiration photos and Excel spreadsheets every so often to stay in the loop.
8. Dropping the Details
As you're planning your wedding, tons of important details will be cropping up left and right. Keep them all organized and in one place, (we recommend a wedding binder to all our couples to keep organized) so you and your fiancée can reference these important details whenever need be.
9. Not Sticking to the Budget
When the wedding planning kicks off, you and your fiancée will be tempted to say yes to everything, too fast and too soon. Take a step back before signing vendor contracts and selecting a venue to come up with a budget and promise each other you'll stick to it.
10. Skipping Meetings with Your Wedding Vendors
Accompany your fiancée to meetings with your vendors like the wedding planner, DJ, florist, and caterer. Don't just show up to try the cake samples and then disappear until the big day. These are the vendors you'll shell out the most cash for, so it's important to attend these meetings and give your two cents.
8. Don't Forget to Groove with Grandma
Make sure to spend some quality time with Grandma and other close family members on the big day. Whether it's taking photos or showing off your moves with them on the dance floor, they'll love being a part of these special moments and it will be a memory they won't soon forget. After all, a mother/son dance is super sweet, but nothing is better than a Grandma/Groom dance.
9. Not Comforting the Bride When Disaster Strikes
Something will go wrong, it always does. Most of the time it isn't something huge but it will seem so to your fiancee, so instead of just saying that it will all be okay, help your bride come up with a Plan B.
10. Honeymoon Indifference
Think of your honeymoon as a post-wedding celebration for just the two of you. If there's a place you've always wanted to go or an activity you've both wanted to try, offer suggestions and make the trip something that fits both of your likes and desires.
11. Handing Out Verbal Invites
Fresh off the engagement excitement, you may be tempted to tell people here and there that they'll be invited to the wedding, but try to refrain from tossing out verbal invites. Wait until you sit down with your fiancée to discuss a concrete guest list and determine not only what your budget will allow but also your selected venue.
12. Calling Your Ex to Announce Your Engagement
Trust us, your ex will find out soon enough. There's no need to send them a text or give them a phone call to let them know. Enjoy the place you are in right now with the person you're about to marry. She is the only one that matters. Refrain from going backward through the catacombs of past loves.
13. Signing on the Dotted Line Too Soon
Before paying any wedding vendor or signing a contract, look it over a couple of times, have your wedding planner review in on your behalf for any red flags or discrepancies, double check reviews and other options, and mark up any contract terms you'd like to change or adjust.
14. Dropping the Ball When It Comes to Vendor Negotiations
Remember that everything is negotiable. Even your wedding vendors. Before agreeing to work with someone, ask if there are any discounts if you pay in full in cash or if they offer a military discount. You could also have your wedding planner negotiate on your behalf. Most importantly, never settle on a vendor who will charge dollar amount that will keep you up at night with stress sweats.
15. Becoming a Groomzilla
Thought only brides-to-be could take on that monster-like behavior? Well, you're wrong! If you find yourself obsessing over every detail, every decision, every moment of the wedding, take a step back and remember what this whole day is really about.
16. Forgetting to Tip Your Wedding Vendors
When you're creating your wedding budget, plan ahead for vendor tips and extra incidentals that may pop up along the way. Keeping aside a couple hundred dollars now will help ensure that there are no financial surprises later on.
17. Don't Neglect That All-Important Groomsmen Talk
Maybe you knew these guys from as far back as kindergarten, but it's still important to have a quick chat with them about their wedding-day behavior. Let them know that you want them to have fun, just not the spring-break-in-Mexico kind. Keep it clean fellas, Grandma and Great Aunt Bertha are also in attendance.
18. Assuming That What Happens In Vegas Will Stay In Vegas
Your bachelor party should be a fun time for you and your best men, but remember to remain respectful to your fiancée. If you drink yourself silly, do something illegal, or gamble away half of your wedding budget, there's no way you can leave that behind when you board your flight back home.
19. Don't Forget Groomsmen Gifts
While being a groomsman is a fun job, it's also a bit of a time commitment for your friends. Be sure to thank them with a fun gift on the day of the wedding, like a pair of socks, cuff links, or a wallet.We have several suggestions on our recent blog Groovy Groomsmen Gifts.
20. Getting Tipsy the Night Before
Try not to find out the hard way that no one is exempt from hangovers...not even the groom. Trust us, you will want to take it easy the night before the big day to avoid spending quality time with a bottle of aspirin and a pounding headache the morning of your wedding.
21. Don't Turn the Limo into a Party Bus
It's okay to pop a couple bottles of champagne en route to toast the happy couple, but keep the partying in your limo under control. Remember you may be sharing a ride with Grandma and Great Aunt Bertha.
22. Wearing White Socks with Your Tuxedo
Trust us on this one. Just don't. What you should do, however, is make sure your tux and socks actually go together before the wedding. If you and your groomsmen are opting for the crazy-sock look, make sure they can't be seen for every photo. Its best if you save them for the fun ones only!
23. Trusting Your Groomsmen's Fashion Sense
You may want to trust that they'll order the right tux on time, but it's worth checking in with the guys to avoid finding out on the wedding day that two of them purchased the wrong color shirt or the wrong style shoes or ordered an entirely different style of jacket from the rest.
24. Packing a Flask
You have an open bar for a reason. Leave that pocket-sized wingman home on your wedding day.
25. Downing One Too Many Reception Shots
Your family and friends will all want to say "cheers" with you, so keep count of how many shots you're taking and make sure to set some limits so you're still standing by the end of the night. No one wants to spend their wedding night hanging over the toilet.
26. Being a Passive Groom
Be the bride's voice of reason, keep her calm and be sure to get hands-on and involved with any details or decisions that she needs your input to make.
27. Neglecting Your Wedding Registry
Just think of it like shopping for a couple hundred birthday gifts that will help you kick off this new chapter with the love of your life. Be involved when selecting registry items with your fiancée, and if there's something you especially want, ask to have it on the registry...within reason, of course!
28. Too Many Surprises
While some surprises can be fun and exciting, keep them to a minimum during the wedding planning process. It's better to openly communicate with your fiancée about what you want rather than just going ahead and doing it...unless its something small and sweet like when Prince Harry went to the Queen's garden the night before to pick flowers to give to Meghan.
29. Leaving Late RSVP'ers for the Bride to Handle
If you notice a lot of your family or friends haven't RSVP'ed yet, do your bride a favor and take charge on contacting them and finding out if they're attending or not.
30. Leaving a Change of Clothes at Home
Pack a change of clothes in case of an impromptu after-party or a spilled drink on your dress shirt. This way, you'll comfortable and be prepared for anything that may come your way.
31. Failing to Help Your Bride the Morning of the Wedding
Check in with your fiancée the morning of and see if there are any last-minute tasks you can take off her hands. Even if you're not supposed to see her beforehand, a helpful phone call or even a quick text will do the trick. Even if there isn't anything that needs to be handled, this simple gesture will mean the world to her.
32. Running Late on the Wedding Day
The morning of your wedding will be spent with your groomsmen, but no matter what you find yourselves doing, be sure to be ready on time. The photographer will arrive to take pictures and it's best if you all have pants on when the time comes for photos.
33. Straying from the Day-Of Itinerary
Every minute of the wedding day has been painstakingly scheduled by your wedding planner so that everything runs smoothly. If you're planning on fitting in an early morning golf game or a stop at the barber, make sure you leave enough time to get back to the venue before the scheduled events begin.
34. Shedding Your Tie Too Early
Sure, you'll want to break it down on the dance floor, but make sure all the formal photos are taken and the toasts have been given before you start taking off your tuxedo shirt or bow tie. Its always best to confirm with your photographer or wedding planner on this first.
35. Neglecting to Eat
Never thought you'd forget to eat, did you? On the big day, you may be pulled in so many different directions that you might forget to try the food and the cake you so carefully selected months ago.
36. Winging Your Vows
Don't say to yourself that you'll just wing it and make up your vows as you go along. Spend some time before the actual ceremony writing them down and make those wedding vows extra special. Give them to your officiant prior to the ceremony as well, so you don't get up there and realize you forgot to slip them in your pocket or walk down the aisle with a piece of paper in hand.
37. Trying to Memorize Your Vows
If you want to have those vows implanted in your mind, start memorizing them early. But either way, stash your written vows in a pocket or give them to your wedding officiant just prior to the ceremony in case your wedding day nerves or emotions cause your mind to go blank.
38. Zoning Out During the Ceremony
There may be tons of distractions during the ceremony like the errant ring bearer who is just wandering around or the funny faces your groomsmen are making, but try your best to keep your eyes on the prize...your beautiful bride.
39. Forgoing the Handkerchief
Weddings are emotional and even if you're not the one shedding the tears, the people around you will be. Keep a handkerchief or a pack of tissues handy for all the waterworks. Your future wife will especially appreciate your forward thinking in this regard.
40. Not Spending Enough Time on the Dance Floor
You'll want to try to say hello to everyone at the wedding reception, but remember its important to have fun, too. Spend some quality time with them on the dance floor, busting out all those moves you haven't done since your senior prom.
41. Forgetting to Give Your Fiancée a Little Something
On the morning of the wedding, surprise your sweetheart with a handwritten love note or thoughtful gift. This will help set the tone of the special day and create a unique memory or heirloom for future generations.
42. Barely Seeing the Bride at Your Own Wedding
While you'll want to spend time with everyone, remember weddings are about the two people getting married. Keep close to each other and remember to enjoy the day together.
43. Missing Out on Some Alone Time
After the ceremony, try to sneak in some alone time with your new spouse. You can even suggest that your wedding planner schedule it into the itinerary for the day. Disappear together for a couple of minutes to take a deep breath, share your favorite moments from the ceremony, and get excited for the party ahead.
44. Keeping the Pen on the Table When It Comes to Thank-You Notes
After the big day has come and gone, pitch in and help with the thank you notes, whether it's giving your input on the wording or writing a batch yourself either way, these gifts were given to both of you, so she shouldn't be the only one doing the thanking.
45. Taking the Day for Granted
Remember that your wedding day will go by very quickly. Be sure to enjoy every moment and not take a single second of it for granted. In the end, your wedding should be a joyous occasion and you shouldn't let anything get in the way of that. You're celebrating your forever love, after all!